The Mad Rants of a Raving Genius

Just got back from Spokane. It was actually pretty fun, for such a long and tiring trip. The being in Spokane bit, not the actual 680 mile round-trip bus ride (only about 340 one-way, but still way too long even for a charter bus…oh my buns…). We didn’t even watch Monty Python like I thought. But at least we watched Pirates of the Caribbean…again (hence the “really bad eggs” in my title). I never get tired of that movie either. Originally, Dodgeball was up on the lineup of movies to watch during the ride, but after some sexual innuendo made by Ben Stiller’s character (I can’t remember which, there are so many…), Q turned it off and stuck in Shrek 2 instead. The man is crazy, I tell you. But then, it only got worse after that (the inflatable “bulge” and the humping the pizza parts…you all know what I’m talking about).

It’s only after we get to Spokane (and after the bus driver drove around for ages trying to get out of the red-light district, which turned out to encompass all of Spokane except for the Gonzaga campus, and even part of that), that we find out that the dumpy hotel we stayed in changed our room arrangements around. That was only the beginning. Fast forward to this morning when we’re checking out. They start complaining that we’re stealing room keys…that they never gave us. Okay, back to Saturday. Dinner at the mall. One of them. I don’t quite remember the name…North-something. Man, it was huge. Two-stories, enough floor space to fit a couple Astrodomes inside…man, I was surprised there wasn’t an ice rink inside. Didn’t compare at all to the Katy Mills Mall in style, but it dwarfed the Mills in size. There was a sweet store that had all manner of odd things in it (no, not Spencer’s). The thing that caught my eye was an interesting little sign that said “World Religions” at the top and then proceeded to list all the major religions. That wasn’t exactly a knee-slapper. What was funny was how it went like this: “Christianity: Shit Happens. Catholicism: If Shit Happens, I Deserved It. Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage. Buddhism: If Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?” and so on. Hilarious.

The highlight of the trip happened around this time. Either going back from the mall or going to the mall (can’t quite remember which, all the hot girls sitting around me on the bus muddled my mind), we passed by a street corner. I happened to be staring at this particular street corner just as a guy jumped on it. At first, I thought he was jumping off something, like a bench or concrete thingy. Odd in itself, but when I looked back, he did it again. And again. The dude was just jumping in place for no odd reason! It was hilarious. I would have pointed it out, but it was too late by the time I stopped laughing. Then we passed by a sign that said “Traffic Fatalities in 2005: 00″. I nudged the person next to me and said, “But only on this intersection.” Yeah. Fun stuff.

After that we headed to the hotel to get changed into our uniforms. I find out that my cape is inside my hat box which was under a pile of instruments locked in the cargo compartments of the bus. The downside: rushed cape attachment action at the staging area. The good part: least wrinkled cape in the band. Then we did the parade, yada yada. Do I really need to go on about that? I’d rather not. I’ll be forever scarred. Okay, it wasn’t quite that bad. It was cold and rainy though. And the junior high marching band with wizard costumes and fairies that played the Mickey Mouse song disturbed me greatly. But other than that, not too bad. My uniform is still wet, though. And that’s after I blow-dried it a couple times.

Next stop, the hotel. Not too bad for being on a backroad that had enough potholes to be dubbed Swiss Cheese Avenue, but the rooms were still all weird. There were some rooms with nine people in them. Nine! Of course, those were the rooms that had four beds and a rollaway, but still. My room wasn’t too bad. Two queen-sized beds and a rollaway made for a midget. I got the midget bed. Pretty bad stuff right there, but the philosophical discussions between Scott and Alvin more than made up for it. We were one of two rooms out of a grand total of eight that didn’t get in trouble that night. Probably because we talked and slept instead of ordering pizza and jumping on beds. Now who’re the cool guys?

Then there was the ride home. Not much different from the ride there. I listened to music, slept for a bit, and watched The Italian Job until we arrived home, at which point my bladder was at the point of maximum fillage. And Q wouldn’t let us into the band room (and thus the school, including bathrooms) until a rogue blanket was returned to the bus. Turns out someone thought the blanket was someone else’s and took it with them. It was soon recovered, much to the joy of myself and anyone near enough to me to know that I was in dire need of answering the Call of the Wild. I stood at the urinal for a whole minute. And I still need to go. Accursed half-gallon water bottle.

Overall, I thought the trip was fun. Last parade of the school year. It’s all good. Now I need to see to those 200 emails I got over the weekend…and homework. Yes, of course. How could I forget the major research paper due on Tuesday? The research paper that I haven’t even finished researching…I’m so bad.

Oh yeah, and my birthday’s tomorrow. Go me. Big One-Seven. Now I can work at Blockbuster.