The Mad Rants of a Raving Genius

Oh man, it’s only two in the afternoon and I’m wasted! As in, super-tired. I get drunk only after five on holidays. Just kidding. Earlier, there was the annual Fourth of July parade in Sedro, which consisted of horses, logs, Bigfoot, more logs, and a whole lot o’ tractors. And us, the combined Burlington and Sedro marching bands. Fun times, for a hick parade. And currently we have a few relatives over for burgers, beans, and pistachios. No clue where the pistachios came from, but they’re there. My cousin Jordan recently had a baby. I can’t remember his name at the moment (it’s Graham or Randy or something like that), but he is mesmerized by my new hat. It’s the weirdest thing. He’s so hooked on it that he completely misses my famous eye-vibrating trick that always gets babies giggling. Oh well. At least he didn’t puke on me. I hate it when babies do that to me.